Travis {15}

It is so true, as a mom, you wish you could freeze your kid at times - make the time last and last - keep them from growing up too much.  And at the same time, there is so much joy and fulfillment in seeing them grow and become who they are to be.  Travis turned 15. Its hard to celebrate his birthday and not think of his birth.  It was long and so very difficult - it almost did me in. And then he came and I cannot express the shear and utter blessing that washed over me. From that moment on he has been a delight and joy to parent. He has pushed me, expanded my patience and made me the mother and person I am today. He has loved me, given me grace, understood what I needed without me saying a word, been sensitive to my moods and is such a silly goofy blond computer geek! And I love him, so very much!  He is special in so many ways; he blesses me in so many ways and I am so very glad he was born to me, for Him.

 

Travis' birthday celebration was simple and so very fun!  It started with donuts and presents!!  Then  I took him and 4 of his friends to Vasquez Rocks - a local state park with huge rock formations.  Its dessert-y and it was a really hot day!  but the boys had a great time.  They ran around and played tag, sat on top of the huge rocks and shot each other with air soft guns - boys are strange!  They were a sweaty mess and I filled them with water, gator aide, and snacks!

And while they were off running in the heat, I sat in the car, in the shade with a cross breeze blowing, reading and watching the boys run back and forth!

We ended up at Islands Reaturant for an early dinner!!

After dinner, was Saturday night church and then YASP (youth group).  During the service Travis played guitar, read a scripture and received a special blessing from Big Mike!  Then all the kids watched a movie together. 

Another year older, another year of living out God's plan for his life - I am so very proud of who he is becoming!  I love you Travis!



blank journal pages

My heart is full and there is a gap between the last time I wrote in my journal and today.  I struggle with how to string words together (here mostly) that make sense and really relay my heart. 

Is it a coincidence that the things I read and the messages at church speak right to where my heart is lately.  It probably shouldn't surprise me when that happens and I find such hope in that.  There is a promise in that and grace too.  Its another reminder how important it is to open up, share, connect and let others into our life.  To live fully and not be afraid.

I am reading Cold Tangerines and I am loving it.  I am always delighted and impressed when I read something that expresses so closely to how I feel.  I thought I should I highlight some of my favorite things and I realized the whole book would be highlighted.  Its just so good!

May is such a busy month, I have 8 things happening - 3 down and 5 to go.   Travis turned 15 this past Saturday and then we had a very low key Mother's Day.  Along with the various extra things happening this month, I am working late hours at work.   I am always thankful for the extra work because it means some extra money - and if I am honest, I am getting a little burned out.  Ever grateful for always having enough to provide for us, I am ready for something to change.  I am more than ready for a different living situation.  In so many ways we are so good, by His grace, always by His Grace and I am good and I am keeping my eyes and ears on Him so I don't miss a thing.  Everyday, every moment is important. 

I am moving forward, making progress, being able to forgive and putting space between the past and the man I was married to.  And in some of my moments,  I completely feel like falling apart - the ache for something more just wont go away.  And maybe, just maybe that's how its suppose to be,  the ache for Him to be everything, the reminder to be humble, the reminder to trust and to be still and know.   I also believe it keeps me moving forward, letting me know I have learned from my mistakes and to keep learning.  I can move forward from the past but I don't want to forget what I went through and how it has shaped me for the better. 

I am not waiting for things to change before I live fully in my moments - I am embracing this time right now - its all I have.  These precious kids of mine are growing up and I want them to know, I see them.   I want them to know, all the things I want for them, the deep God things and the little life things.   I will always have my moments with them, there are so many more and I want to savor and embrace them all.  I have a 15 year old and an almost 14 year old - time is marching on, as it should and I want so much for the next several years.  

As I fill up my journal pages, I also want to leave room for Him to write on them.  I want to leave room to live each moment and be thankful for all of them!

{just write}

Eleven Things

It almost never fails, when I am at a loss for what or how I should share or really how to journal my recent days and thoughts, I find myself at Joy's blog and she has done an "Eleven Things" post and I am inspired or motivated. This post - she entitled Eleven Happy Things. I like Joy and I have never "met" her. I think we live fairly close to each other and if I ever get the chance - I would hug her and probably cry - but then again I am a hugger and crier - so the chances of me doing that when meeting people I think are wonderful are pretty good! So again, thank you Joy for the inspiration and great way to blog my many thoughts and a few things that are happening in my life right now!

1. Ryan & Brittany's Wedding - OMG - the kids and I recently attended a wedding of a young couple at our church. But this wasn't just any wedding for us - I have known the bride and groom since they were babies! But it doesn't stop there! The mother of the bride, babysat me and I use to sit on her lap in church, I babysat the bride, she use to sit on my lap in church and the bride babysat my kids - they sat on her lap often! Ryan currently runs the audio department for our church, Travis works with him and is learning so much - more than just audio - Ryan is a leader by example, kind, God loving and respectful. Brittany also works with a lot of the younger kids in various ways at our church. Brittany's mom and I shared some tears over the sweet family relationship we have and will have for a lifetime! The wedding was such a lovely feeling of family - so much love in the church that evening, makes me cry just thinking about it!

2. Grrr, I have been chewing many of these lately - heartburn please go away! Or maybe it’s a bit of stress and anxiousness - its been a rough month or so -- I am working through it all. I am trusting. He knows - oh boy does He know - I've chatting quite a bit with Him lately! But He knows what I need and the plans He has for me - in His time. I am anchored in His hope!

3.  A gift - I just received this from Red Letter Words - this is for a different couple in our church who got married back in November! A bit late, but I like to think about getting the couple something meaningful!

4. Starbucks Mugs - I am sucker for a Starbucks mug - my newest 3. Seriously, coffee tastes better in a Sbux mug - unless of course you have markers and highlighters in one!

5. Daring Greatly - I am currently reading this and I am loving it - makes so much sense - its so hard to be vulnerable - but its so important to be - to stretch ourselves and to trust!

6. Surgery - my sweet sweet Sister has to have surgery in a few weeks - I am so sad for what she has to go through, and I am grateful for the radiologist who caught it and its so early she will be fine!

7. This boy of mine, with braces and all his sweetness - will turn 15 this month! He's a delight!

8. This girl of mine, the lover of babies - will graduate 8th grade this year, she is ready to shop for a dress and make plans for celebrating! I adore her!

9. May - its going to be a busy one! I have 8 events happening - most are good ones - and I am working on another big project at work, which means overtime, which means some extra money - grateful!!

10. Baseball - Dodgers baseball - I can't get enough of you! I have been listening and watching games - I love it!!

 

11. Vacation - I need one - a beach one preferably! Although at the end of June the kids and I will head to the mid-west for our church's annual summer camp - we all cannot wait! We are anticipating heart connections, deepening our walk with the Lord and having lots of fun!

Life Lately

No matter what is happening in and around me - my life is still happening and I have to keep on living, one day at a time.  I will be honest I have felt a bit blue lately, like I am moving through mud and trying hard not to throw a pity party for 1 - things just seem to take way more energy and effort than they should.  And while I am trying to shake it - I am encouraging myself not to fight it, to sit with my feelings and let them flow through me!  And I am reminding and encouraging myself to choose joy along the way.

So, while I am sitting here, I will share some life lately pictures - I need some reminders that life is beautiful!

Sydney and I at our Passover Seder - I am so proud to be her Momma.  She is growing and learning to be a good friend and learning to be true to herself and to Him. 

Travis and the little guys - he loves spending time with them and they love him.  Travis is so calm and gentle, it is so sweet to watch!.

And its time for Dodger baseball!  We attended game 2 of the opening series!  The crack of the bat, the sound of Vin Skully's voice, a Dodger dog and a beer ;).  Great way to escape the daily grind and cheer for the boys in blue!  I kind of like baseball!

Friday night at the movies!  A few parents trade off chaperoning our kids at the movies - its really nice and last week was my turn!  We saw 42 - so good.  Did I mention I like baseball?  Thankful for men like Branch Rickey and Jackie Robinson for having the courage to do what they did - to stand up and change things for the better!

And if dinners and kids and baseball and movies aren't enough encouragement and joy than these things definitely can do the trick:

Lazy Saturday morning with coffee and blog reading.

A late afternoon trip to my favorite beach and Cafe.

Sitting, gazing and hearing the waves - I needed that!

The beachy bar, yummy food, writing, a glass of wine and a Dodger game - great combination!!



And long after sunset, more time in the beach chairs - reading, reflecting and being grateful all while listening to the soft roar of the ocean.

Add to all that, my sweet boy who hugs me and tells me he loves me, asks if we can watch a movie together and then steels my blanket - perhaps the sweetest combination of joy shot right to my heart!  I love him dearly!

I am sitting with my feelings, all of them and the are flowing!  By His Grace!

Its Not about Me

With almost every day that goes by, I reflect on what I have been through in my life, what I am currently going through, what others I deeply love are going through and what is going on in the world.  I immediately think, oh my how does this affect me, what will I do! But lately, only lately, I am realizing that its not about me, its really not - it is about Him.

My sister is going through some medial things - not life threatening, but life changing. Its rocked our little family and Sydney, my sweet Sydney its made her all weepy and its rocked me just a bit and cancer in a small way has touched our family for the first time. And while it feels hard and sad and seemingly unfair - I know that fair has nothing to do with it. And hard, I can do hard - I can journey through this just as I know she will. Sad, well sad would be a totally different diagnosis - hers really not so sad! I know its not about me. Its about her and Him.

None of us are exempt from life! The deep love we have for family doesn't mean they wont have struggles and pain and hard things happen. Its not about us - its about Him. Its not why Lord, its how Lord - how will you work this for your good! Its not about me.

Everyday I am reminded to love this beautiful life, to be thankful and to live my life to bring Him honor because its not about me; I want my life song to sing to Him!

{here}

wahoo - a Lisa Leonard Giveaway!!

Lisa Leonard is hosting a very fun giveway!  Go here and check it out!! 

Lisa's blog was one of the very first blogs I found and I loved it immediately!  She exudes such grace, acceptance and love!  She inspires, encourages and creates beauty, in all aspects of life.
Her hand-stamped jewelry and decor is lovely and wonderful and so full of meaning!  I have some very lovely LLD pieces and decor - love them all!!!  Her Mother's Day Collection this year is amazingly sweet!!

I found a few pictures of some of my LLD pieces:

The long necklace was a Mother's Day piece from a few years ago!

Adore it!

My pewter heart wall hanging - I am currently keeping it in my car!

You can customize it how ever you want; mine says:

blessed & loved

forever humbled

by His grace

Ok, that's it go enter her giveaway -- and just FYI I am not being compensated at all by this post - the only thing I get for it is an entry into the current giveaway!!  Good luck to anyone who enters!!

xoTiffany

Full

How do I adequately get across how much I am feeling in my heart? Its been over a year since my life drastically changed, since I changed it. The month of March is way gone, its April 9th for crying out loud - March feels like a year ago. It was such a heavy month for me. I was hoping and praying for a deliverance from the heaviness as we celebrated at our Passover Seder.  Deliverance from the bondage of the conditionings from prior years.

April began and its feeling heavy and weighed down in other ways. Maybe that is just the journey I am on. I am however, thankful for other things to focus on.  I have so much I want to share, so much I want to be and do. There is a lot of rumbling in my heart. I am so blessed - blessed with this life, blessed to be their momma, leading and guiding them through these years.

My heart is full, broken, mended and broken again. I feel joy, I feel a deep groaning in my spirit, one too deep for words, I feel peace, I feel anxious, and I feel His gentle hand, I hear His still soft voice…"let go and let me." And so, I breath Him in and worship His holy name. I read and find words that encourage and bless me. I am thankful, I am grateful for the situations that give me the chance to pray more, believe and trust Him more. Thankful for time to be shut in with God, to behold his grace and mercy, to share my hopes and dreams with Him and be filled up again and again - my cup runeth over.

{just write}