Friday, August 29, 2014

Sweet Sydney {Happy Birthday}

Just about 15 years ago this bundle of pink love came into my life and I am forever grateful!  Happy Happy Happy birthday to my sweet Sydney girl!  She is my most favorite girl EVER!

She is a delightful, honest, down to earth, silly, very creative and an all around wonderful person.  She is a tremendous blessing to me and her family and friends.  I am so so so so so lucky to be her momma and I love her forever and ever - no matter what!

Monday, August 25, 2014

Summer Isn't Over Yet

As I sit here I gasp a bit realizing I haven't shared or written much at all about my summer.  I haven't shared and written about Travis or Sydney in a quite a while either.  I don’t know how people blog on a consistent basis, maybe I lack discipline!
We spent the last week of summer vacation doing a "stay-cation." It was really really really fun!  It hit me in a profound way that after this summer, I really only have 1 summer left before Travis graduates high school and I am not sure what the summer after he graduates will hold as far as time to just hang out with mom.  I wanted to soak up this time and savor being together.  I have 2 summers left with Syd and then she will graduate – have mercy!  My momma heart is a bit heavy about that reality.  I know it's far enough away so I am not dwelling on it too much – I have so many days between now and then!  Meanwhile, the trunk of my car is still full of beach stuff, sand still lingers on my car seats and my skin is still so brown from the summer sun. 
Spring Valley Lake weekend

close to sunset on Spring Valley Lake
beach day with my Days

dinner at Duke's Malibu - yum!

pool time/cousin time at Rayen Resort

Santa Barbara - heading to the pier
And school started today!  I am thankful to have teenagers in high school!  Thankful they are thriving and still like having back to school dinners with me.
cesar salad, salmon and rice pilaf
Back to School - the Junior and Sophomore!
I sit here after my week off work, longing for our slow mornings and lazy afternoons, already missing morning coffee poolside and not wanting to think about cooking dinner. 
What is it about the kids being in school that makes me think I have to have a schedule and be more organized??  I am digging my heals in a bit as summer wines down. Why does the first day of school make me feel that it's all over? As if it means, no more summer fun allowed!  There is still time, there is still "summer" fun to be had.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

An Afternoon in July

A couple weeks ago I had the afternoon free so I headed to a small neighborhood shopping area called Moorpark & Tujunga.  It has several restaurants and many lovely shops and boutiques.  I didn't have very much extra money to spend, but I needed some inspiration and I needed some alone time, I needed to breath and be inspired.  I was outside, I wasn't rushing and while I was browsing, I realized that in finding inspiration and beauty I was overwhelmed with hope and possibilities.  And not just with material things - but hope and possibilities for my life.





Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
 Proverbs 3:5-6 from The Message Bible

Friday, July 18, 2014

Contradiction and a Prayer

And just like that – its July 18th!  I feel like (in some ways) I just wrote about May and thinking back to May, well need I say that, May feels like many months ago!  I need to write and document June and if I blink too hard, it will be time to write about July, however July has been uneventful for the most part, albeit full!
The kids got out of school (on June 6th) and we hit summer running!  They spent a week at their Dad's, we finalized our plans to go to Iowa for SOP summer camp at Shiloh – that was a huge thing that happened for all 3 of us as I wasn't sure we could make it happen – God is so good and faithful and He knows, oh He so knows!!

Settling into summer, I am feeling good and happy and at peace.  I am also feeling more and more healing of my heart and soul happening.  Funny thing about healing, not matter if its a physical or mental or spiritual healing, it’s a process and doesn't happen quickly. And sometimes, in some cases, after a healing, things are not exactly the same as they were before. And that is OK!  I am ready for new, different and freedom from the old!  I have been keeping busy with some events at church and helping a friend with her wedding, it's so good to be busy and productive and helpful.  I have been reading and relaxing too.  Thinking and pondering the future a bit.  I am not contemplating any changes, but just wondering what He has in store for me.
I have moments where I feel so very alone and ordinary and that is such an overwhelming feeling!  I have times when I feel some very deep things about myself and life and what God is showing me and I realize I need a person to share them with – a person not my sister or a friend – and that takes my breath away.  Dare I say I am ready for a special person in my life?  I don’t really know – I just know that I want to be open and led for what He wants for my life.  And sometimes all I can tell myself is "just be willing to be willing."
I can be a bit of a contradiction of what I want sometimes: as much as a love people and spending time with them, I often times just want to be alone, run and hide; as much as I love living in a big city and all the perks it has, my soul longs for a small town to settle into, to be known and have room to breathe and find a deeper peace;  I want to plan things and be prepared and at the same time I want to be spontaneous and willing to let things just happen; I can tend to thrive when life around me is in constant motion and swirling and then suddenly, I just want to turn away and be at the beach, alone; I don't want to be in charge of things, I really prefer to help and often times, I am resistant to being lead and told what to do; my heart desires to be a kind, grace extending person and too many times I fail miserably; as secure as I feel, I feel I am always walking a very thin line with it and as much as I believe in forgiveness and being washed of our sins, I can be very unforgiving and hard on people.
{via simplycasual on tumblr}
All of this can make my head spin if I let it, instead I set it aside and I pray and ask Him for what I need, because I know He knows.  I pray for peace – always peace.  I pray because I know He hears and He is faithful.
{via simplycasual on tumblr}

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Catching Up {what May looked and felt like}

Instead of 31 days, May felt like 62!   Time and time again, I tell myself to be sure to write and post it on my blog – because I will be glad in a few years that I did!  All the little moments that are captured when you keep a blog (or journal/scrapbook in some way) are priceless!

May is always a busy month mostly because it’s the home stretch to the end of the school year, but throw in Mother's Day, Travis' birthday, a wedding, a surprise party for a very dear friend and it becomes really busy!  And there were the bad headaches I had for almost 3 weeks! I slept a lot after they were finally gone because I wasn't sleeping when my head was hurting! I am finally feeling so much better!

Here's what I was able to capture in May:
Teenagers hanging out together!  And late night swimming

Travis' 16th birthday – was on Mother's Day this year!  We celebrated with family, then a week later he went to Disneyland with friends! He is one of the best 16 year olds I know!  Such a blessing to me!


Strawberries from Tapia Bros!  And other yummy fruit!

Catching up with Corrine at Abby's wedding.  I have known Corrine since she was a baby! I took care of her often! Her parents were so good to me when I was in high school!  It was so good to see her and hug her!
Prom!  OMG – Sydney and Jenny before prom.  Travis went with friends, so I didn't get a picture of him before. 

 Because our school is so small, the prom is open for family and friends to attend.  I loved being there and watching my kids have so much fun!  Travis, is a dancing machine! 

With my dear friend Joleen!  So thankful for her!

Surprise birthday party for Paula!!
She and her husband have a boat in Marina Del Rey – so we all arrived and set up and got ready and then she arrived with her daughter for what she thought was going to be a quite family day!  She was genuinely surprised – which was the best part! I have known Paula since I was about 4.  I use to sit on her lap at church and I can remember thinking how beautiful she was!  I babysat her girls (Brittany and Chelsea) and both of her girls babysat Travis and Sydney! And Sydney plans on babysitting their kids, just as soon as they have them!

 Memorial day BBQ at Rayen

I have taken lots of deep breaths lately, cried hard, laughed, rested, worked hard, laughed and cried some more. I have been processing layers and layers of emotions that are coming to the surface.  Its been strange to feel and go through some things I thought were already done and dealt with and things I didn't realize were there!  I have so much peace about ending my marriage and making a life as a single mom of two teenagers.  I have some much love and support, it overwhelms me!  My natural family and our church family are amazing.  And still I struggle at times.  I can let myself get overwhelmed and stress over the future.  I am working on ways to ease this – I need a lot of grace.  And time at the beach.
I do know and remind myself daily that I am blessed and loved. I rest in the arms of His mercy.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Lately {Taking Stock}



I don't know why I don't see or feel it sooner – its always after I go through something that I realize it – that writing helps me feel better, whether I post it on my blog or not. It had been so long since I wrote in my journal and its been just over 3 weeks since I have posted anything here. I could say I have been busy and I could say I just haven't been able to string the words together to make my feelings make sense (and to a point both are true). The two weeks before we moved and the time since have just been so full and I have been so tired. All last week and the start of this one, I have been fighting off bad headaches – migraine headaches actually and its left me exhausted, with little wherewithal to do more than what I absolutely have to. I am breathing deep, resting and taking care of myself. I am so loving my little house. I am big time loving my two teenagers – living life with them is such a blessing!

So, getting inspiration from Sweet Casey on her post, I thought I would do the same as a way of documenting where and how I am right now!
Making: time to relax and be still
Cooking: not very much lately – easy things mostly, like southwest chicken salad or pesto pasta with shrimp; strawberry shortcake and chocolate chip waffles
Drinking: lots of water and blueberry lemonade with sparkling water and some extra lemon squeezed in
Reading: a few things - Bring God's Kingdom to Earth; The Gifts of Imperfection; Bittersweet and Daring Greatly
Wanting: to shop for more things for my little house and go to the beach
Looking: so forward to summer and going to the beach
Playing: music at night while I am making dinner
Wishing: for less traffic on my drive to work and then home
Enjoying: the cool evening breeze through my bedroom window before the weather gets hot again
Liking: my two teenagers – a lot!
Wondering: if the kids and I will be able to go to Shiloh SOP this summer
Loving: having my own place!
Hoping: for a change in my finances
Marveling: at how truly, deeply and abundantly I am blessed and loved
Needing: a little break from the routine and a day at the beach.
Smelling: fresh cut-up fruit
Wearing: skirts and flip flops.
Following: my heart with His leading
Noticing: how beautiful Sydney is – inside and out
Knowing: I have to trust Him and that He knows
Thinking: how much I love the beach
Feeling: a bit anxious and overwhelmed by all I need and want to do
Watching: Breaking Bad on Netflix - OMG
Opening: folders that have been packed away for years.
Giggling: with Travis and Sydney
Feeling: blessed and loved and humbled by His grace